So I’m a bit behind here on the recaps. But I have watched the last two episodes and woah, did things go down. Even though those two episodes kind of blend into one screaming, glitter tear-bomb of a mess, something still remains slightly coherent. There is still a light in the tunnel taking the shape of Will and Lenox still being around. I swear, if they leave, ANTM’s viewership is going to march down to CW and boosh and toosh all over their building and trust me, that is a fate worst than death.

  • “Nah I didn’t lost focus after Denzel left.” WE ALL KNOW THAT’S A LIE MIRJANA. YOU MISSED YOUR BIGOTED FLEA-BAG OF A MAN AND THAT’S WHY YOU WENT HOME JUST BEFORE ALL THE TOP MODELS WENT OFF TO BATHE THEIR DELICATE SKIN IN KIMCHI. GOOD BYE MIRJANA. YOU WILL NOT BE MISSED WITH YOUR SURPRISINGLY GHETTO ACCENT AND STUPID HEAD BANDS. THANKS FOR THE DRAMA.
  • Keith is totally going to win this competition. And when he does everyone will laugh and shoot some pigeons at the cruel irony of this situation.
  • Okay, Tyra’s outfits this season are a complete and utter hot mess. She doesn’t know whether she should dress up as a drag-queen wearing an NFL outfit or…like a normal person who’s just stumbled out from the brambles but couldn’t find any strawberries. Either way, she isn’t looking her top form in this.
  • Talking about Tyra, she was totally wanting to jump Adam’s bones in that ridiculous glove commercial thing. What the hell was that?
  • It really annoys me that they still haven’t addressed how short Adam is relative to all the other contestants. In previous seasons, they would have torn him up and fed him to the wolves that looked eerily like Janice Dickinson and Kelly Cutrone. But now they’re letting him slide that he’s basically as tall as Lenox. Your standards have fallen ANTM but honestly, everyone knew that. Remember when Italian Vogue was in the prize bag? Yeah, those glory days.
  • Shei FOR THE WIN. DAT GIRL CAN WERK. SHE EVEN PRETTY MUCH DIRECTED HER SHOOT. HOLLA GIRL.
  • I love how Tyra is all ‘WE´RE GOING TO SEOUL SOUTH KOREA.’ As oppose to Seoul, Nebraka, guys. Better get your geography rights.
  • You know when they’re budget has been slashed when they’re literally using the same photographers over and over again. Remember the days when they had some variation? Those do seem like a distant dream long ago.
  • Chantelle is back and she doesn’t look too pleased. ‘The Other Side’ probably was much nicer; free food, free photographs, none of that crazy drama. Yeah that does sound like a paradise relative to what was going on in the house. No wonder she’s a bit under the weather about the whole returning deal. I feel like Ben would have loved it a lot more though. Yo, that guy was literally like a labrador puppy. You give him any attention and he’ll run around chasing his tail.
  • They better be in a K-Pop group, just saying. I really want white girls dancing around in bright flashing colours, looking really confused and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Boardwalk Empire finished last night and even though I could watch it now, I’m going to wait till tonight because by then I will have evolved into a massive warm cinnamon bun and be fully prepared to cope with the flood of emotion I’m going to feel .