Recap: Losing El Dorado

Well then guys, that was it. It’s over. We can all cry now and softly sob to Taylor Swift’s new album as we realise that Boardwalk is never coming back. Good bye beautiful mahogany shots with amazing wallpaper! Good bye completely confusing plotlines in four dozens locations! Good bye sweet Atlantic City, a pale ghost to the absolute turd of a city that is now! Good bye beautiful dresses and great suits (why don’t men wear hats like that anymore?) and grand buildings! We will miss it all. Boardwalk Empire was our little El Dorado as it had the tragedy of a Russian novel and the violence and grit of a Game of Thrones crossed with a Cohen brothers movie. It was a gem and even though no one watched it, I believe the people who stuck with it till the end, got their money’s worth. This finale wasn’t ambiguous, like that Soprano bullshit and neither was it god-awful, tacky and just a flaming pile of shit like True Blood. No, this finale was the perfect balance of perfect and tragic as it fastened the noose onto Nucky’s anchor that would inevitably drown him, his original sin.

• Nucky couldn’t be half a gangster. That was the whole end of the show. And neither could he be good enough, despite his efforts, as young Gillian pretty much puts it. Nucky is only half of something and that’s his ultimate downfall. Jimmy Darmody is pretty much the only person he shoots point-blank and even though he knew at the back of his mind, giving young Gillian to the walrus Commodore was a bad idea, he thought that this would be for the greater good, that it would help them in the long run. Nucky was basically just half a man and that was his ultimate downfall, as he could neither embrace the ethos of being a gangster like Luciano did or a father to Margaret’s children.
• Margaret was the only character who came up on top. Oh yeah baby! I was happy about that. She deserved it, considering everything she’s gone through. Heck, she even got asked out by Joe Kennedy. You go Margaret.  The last scene with them dancing in the El Dorado was pretty heart-breaking. You could feel that Margaret was waiting for Nucky to say something other than about money and the flat. He had a chance to redeem himself in her eyes but he didn’t take it. However I doubt Margaret wanted a life with Nucky again. She’d grown too much as a character and had acquired her own independence with no thanks to him. That was her biggest accomplishment and by going back to him, she would have gone two steps back. And if we know anything about Margaret is her pride.
• That final season with Al and his son was heart-breaking. It would have mean more heart-breaking if they hadn’t forgotten the season after season 2, but hey, I’ll take what I can get. This show provided so many layers to the famous, boisterous gangster pop-culture has recycled so well. Al this whole season was incredibly obnoxious and slightly too over the top, but this last scene redeemed him. When his son yelled out his name, that broke my heart. I want more scenes like that!
• Narcisse’s ending was a bit abrupt. That kind of annoyed me considering the whole tension of last scene just kind of resulted to this church massacre. Narcisse was also such a brilliant character and I really wanted to see more of him and honestly he deserved a better death than that.
• Well then, Luciano is now the King of the Crime. He really came out on top,-but we all knew this because of history. Throughout this final episode, there were some interesting shots of him where it seemed he became less of a man and or more a statue. Lanksy still looked small in that massive arm chair and despite the fact they claimed themselves to be men, for some reason, I still thought them as boys in the big table. There was still something boyish about their arrogance and their suits.
• That scene with Gillian was heart-wrenching. One of Nucky’s biggest character flaws was the fact that he doesn’t realise that people don’t just want his money, they want something from him. Eli felt that and Gillian especially felt that. She sat there in silence while Nucky poured out his heart and soul and tried to justify himself to her, even though those words feel to deaf ears. She was long gone and when Nucky is just talking, he’s trying to justify what he did to her to himself. In the end, Nucky was unable to deal with the guilt.
• Okay now the whole Tommy Darmody reveal. Everyone saw that coming. It makes me sad that Tommy couldn’t become another person and had to fall in line with all the terrible people.  He didn’t learn from his father’s mistakes and ended up being consumed by revenge and anger. Poor Julia, she probably fucked up in raising him.
• But despite that, Tommy really had a good reason to shoot Nucky (probably with his father’s gun no less!). Nucky was the original reason why his life is what it is. Between handing over his grandmother (who is his sole relative alive and happens to be in an insane asylum) to be the Commodore’s play thing and shooting his father point blank for no other reason than to assert his power, Tommy had a good reason to kill Nucky. This finale also, justifies why they kept the Darmody plotline for so long. Most shows would have killed it off once their main character had died, ie Jimmy Darmody, but nope, not Boardwalk. In typical Boardwalk fashion they drag it out to the very end. Everything needs to be resolved in one intensely tragic climax. And this was it. The King of Boardwalk died from his original sin.
• Oh look, an easter egg!  

Well then kiddos, this is the end. It was a pleasure recapping the final season. I’ll probably now go back and watch it all because that’s the healthy way of dealing with loss. These were some of the richest, most compelling characters on television and I loved every moment of it. As some one who loves history, this was basically my fix. Now to find another one with as much tragedy and gravitas as this masterpiece. You will be missed Boardwalk. I will drink a shot to you.

To the Lost.

Recap: We’re going to Seoul, Nebraska!

So I’m a bit behind here on the recaps. But I have watched the last two episodes and woah, did things go down. Even though those two episodes kind of blend into one screaming, glitter tear-bomb of a mess, something still remains slightly coherent. There is still a light in the tunnel taking the shape of Will and Lenox still being around. I swear, if they leave, ANTM’s viewership is going to march down to CW and boosh and toosh all over their building and trust me, that is a fate worst than death.

• “Nah I didn’t lost focus after Denzel left.” WE ALL KNOW THAT’S A LIE MIRJANA. YOU MISSED YOUR BIGOTED FLEA-BAG OF A MAN AND THAT’S WHY YOU WENT HOME JUST BEFORE ALL THE TOP MODELS WENT OFF TO BATHE THEIR DELICATE SKIN IN KIMCHI. GOOD BYE MIRJANA. YOU WILL NOT BE MISSED WITH YOUR SURPRISINGLY GHETTO ACCENT AND STUPID HEAD BANDS. THANKS FOR THE DRAMA.
• Keith is totally going to win this competition. And when he does everyone will laugh and shoot some pigeons at the cruel irony of this situation.
• Okay, Tyra’s outfits this season are a complete and utter hot mess. She doesn’t know whether she should dress up as a drag-queen wearing an NFL outfit or…like a normal person who’s just stumbled out from the brambles but couldn’t find any strawberries. Either way, she isn’t looking her top form in this.
• Talking about Tyra, she was totally wanting to jump Adam’s bones in that ridiculous glove commercial thing. What the hell was that?
• It really annoys me that they still haven’t addressed how short Adam is relative to all the other contestants. In previous seasons, they would have torn him up and fed him to the wolves that looked eerily like Janice Dickinson and Kelly Cutrone. But now they’re letting him slide that he’s basically as tall as Lenox. Your standards have fallen ANTM but honestly, everyone knew that. Remember when Italian Vogue was in the prize bag? Yeah, those glory days.
• Shei FOR THE WIN. DAT GIRL CAN WERK. SHE EVEN PRETTY MUCH DIRECTED HER SHOOT. HOLLA GIRL.
• I love how Tyra is all ‘WE´RE GOING TO SEOUL SOUTH KOREA.’ As oppose to Seoul, Nebraka, guys. Better get your geography rights.
• You know when they’re budget has been slashed when they’re literally using the same photographers over and over again. Remember the days when they had some variation? Those do seem like a distant dream long ago.
• Chantelle is back and she doesn’t look too pleased. ‘The Other Side’ probably was much nicer; free food, free photographs, none of that crazy drama. Yeah that does sound like a paradise relative to what was going on in the house. No wonder she’s a bit under the weather about the whole returning deal. I feel like Ben would have loved it a lot more though. Yo, that guy was literally like a labrador puppy. You give him any attention and he’ll run around chasing his tail.
• They better be in a K-Pop group, just saying. I really want white girls dancing around in bright flashing colours, looking really confused and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Boardwalk Empire finished last night and even though I could watch it now, I’m going to wait till tonight because by then I will have evolved into a massive warm cinnamon bun and be fully prepared to cope with the flood of emotion I’m going to feel .

To The Lost

I’m writing this post with a momentous hangover and honestly that is the best way to bid adieu to my favourite television show around. Alas, tonight is the night. Tonight is the night we see all our character hopefully be redeemed, we see the end of an emotional roller-coaster peppered with impulsive violence, heart-wrenching relationships being torn and forged all over again. The end of Steve Buscemi looking quite dapper (dare I say attractive?!) in a suit and with both antagonists and protagonists storming in out of our rooms and hearts in blazing glory with guns, suits and a manically grin. Please humour my cliches, it’s a very emotional time for me and I’m unsure how I’m going to deal with all of this. Being British, I’m not using to actually feeling emotions.

In the last episode we saw Mickey Doyle get shot (finally!), Nucky hand over his hard-earned empire which he literally had to kill for to acquire, young Gillian clean up and about to be offered as a fresh, virginal lamb to the elephant Commodore, Eli look haggard as hell and beg for his older brother to help his fine-jawed son and Luciano and Meyer resent the elders and smash their wisdom. Oh yes, in that there was the best loud yet entertaining side-kick of Luciano and Meyer running around the place. This, in terms of plot narrative, was the decisive episode to lie all nooses. Nucky went to war and despite everything he lost it and now, without his empire, he’s got to help the people who he hates the most but are the closest and oldest companions he has. My bets are that, as his final act of redemption to cure his original sin, he will go and free Gillian from the gut-wrenching madhouse and help Eli get it back together. Hopefully Margaret will make a final appearance and even though things will still be somewhat bitter and sordid between them, any scene between these two is quite welcoming. I’m going to miss the shrill and brilliant cinematography. Do you guys remember that scene in season 2 where Jimmy Darmody watches his son on the horses? That crystal blue sadness in Michael Pitt’s eyes? That honestly is probably one of my favourite shots. It still haunts me.

Well guys, take out your shot glasses and start pouring it down for Nucky. This is the final showdown. Unfortunately I can’t watch it tonight because DAMN YOU TIME ZONES but tomorrow I will there, cooped in front of my television, gently sobbing at it all.

To the Lost.

Recap: A quick Scan over shirtless Jeremy and Damon’s flannel.

So I’m behind on recapping because real life has been over whelming and I’ve decided to be cultural all around London. But last night I marathoned (because my friend told me she wouldn’t watch the new one with me if I didn’t catch up) the last two episodes of The Vampire Diaries and considering they kind of just blurred into one emotional, sepia emotional roller coaster where I either felt like I wanted to bunch Stefan or go out and get dancing on table tops in Mystic Grill (how is that place still got customers? Actually how are people still living in Mystic Falls?) after drinking a bottle of tequila. Now I’m suffering a post-tvd hangover, so here are some stray observations.

• I get what Stefan is saying, after all this drama around Mystic Falls, running around casually snapping people’s necks, I get the fact that he might want to put his legs up, buy a puppy, drink a margarita and have a ‘relationship’ (because apparently sleeping with a girl a couple of times but never having dinner is a relationship) with some one who isn’t emotionally cheating on your with your brother or you’re destined to live with the rest of your life with. Yup, Stefan kind of needs a break from Mystic Falls and 4 months isn’t enough to get over 4 years of fire-balling, cry-fest, heart-thrawting bullshit. However, what he did to Caroline WASN’T COOL. NO ONE TALKS TO THIS GOLDEN CHILD LIKE THAT. ESPECIALLY YOU STEFAN NO ONE.
• It really irked me that Elena had NO PICTURES OF STEFAN. YOU GUYS WERE IN LOVE TO THE POINT YOU’D SHARE YOUR GRILLED CHEESE AND NOW THERE ARE NO PICTURES, I DON’T BELIEVE THAT.
• While most of the world (except you australia, you lucky country) are beginning to dive into their pile of clothes and preparing themselves with the inevitable cold to start seething through the walls, in Mystic Falls it’s forever summer. Much like a decent school system, Mystic Falls also lacks seasons.
• ENZO IS BACK and clearly filling in the sassy white hot hunk hole Damon left behind. I’m okay with that.
• Hahaha Tyler unsuccessfully hitting on Ivy was an enjoyable subplot. I still don’t really get the point of it, but I’m alright with that.
• I definitely thought it was going to be Katherine on the other side and not some know-it-all dude that looks he could either be 25 or 19, but nothing in between. His smooth skin is throwing me off.
• “Now it’s my time to show off.” Okay Nina, WE GET IT. YOU’RE BANGING.
• Another random subplot: that other random dude Elena brought to set up with Caroline which is just kind of weird. He’s probably thinking ‘why aren’t these kids in school? why is everyone ridiculously skinny? How are they getting this booze if they’re all in their teens? Who is that shirtless hunk making out with that random girl in the middle of that murky waterhole? WHY IS EVERYONE SO WEIRD HERE?!’
• Yes, that shirtless hunk I’m talking about is Jeremy. I swear he’s only worn a tshirt once in this whole season so far. I’m alright with that. I’m pretty sure once he puts his shirt back on, SHIT WILL GET REAL.
• Oh yeah I forgot about Damon and whatsherface stuck in 1994. guys, it’s been two months, you guys could have figured this out to why this date was so important. Jesus, just think about it. There is a reason why you’re here. Nothing in this show just happens for shits and giggles. No, it’s carefully planned out and executed between shots of hot make out scenes, of Mystic falls looking reasonably normal and some shots of Matt looking confused.
• MATT GO BACK TO SCHOOL. DON’T JOIN THIS WEIRD POLICE ACADEMY VAMPIRE HUNTING FACILITY. C’MON. THINK ABOUT IT MATT. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. YOU LEAVE MYSTIC FALLS.
• Gotta say, Damon and whatsherface aren’t really mourning or missing the fact that they’re not with their gang in Mystic Falls. Honestly, I’d be pretty happy about that, especially if it involves Damon flipping pancakes in flannel, listening to Pearl Jam. That’s one nice sight.

Okay, so I haven’t watched the new episode BUT I WILL EVENTUALLY. And I’ll get around to recapping Boardwalk Empire before the finale on Sunday (SADNESS) and America’s next top model because DENZEL LEFT AND THE ANGELS ARE SINGING AND HALLELUJAH LIFE IS GOOD DESPITE TYRA’S TERRIBLE SEOUL PUN. GET OUT OF HERE TYRA.

Recap: Stefan needs to update his iOS

So I’m going to live-blog the first episode of the Vampire Diaries of the new season. Why? Because I want my thoughts to be fresh and juicy. BRING IT BABY.

• Opens on teenagers hooking up. Welcome back my friends. This is a season 1 throwback. Also why are people still hooking up in the dark in the forest in Mystic Fall ie the town with the most murder rate, people dying violent deaths and just having a general shit time? Shouldn’t there be a warning for this?
• And Sheriff Forbes is FINALLY taking her job seriously ie busting under age drinking with a..can of beer. These teenagers are badass. “Oh I thought you were a serial killer.” Valid response. True Dat.
• Of course the underage drinking person get killed.  NO ONE CAN BE HAPPY IN MYSTIC FALLS.
• Hahahahahaha, Elena you go to college. Sophomore. A med student?! There are so many problems with that. No way would an actual doctor bother to drag a bunch of sophomores around a hospital. Fuck dat. They’ve just done their bio 101. And no way in hell WOULD ELENA HAVE ATTENDED CLASS ENOUGH TO BE A MED STUDENT?! DID SHE EVER SIT IN A LECTURE WHERE IT DIDN’T INVOLVE CONTROLLING SOME ONE’S MIND OR DEALING WITH SUPER NATURAL BULLSHIT?
• Whitmore College really accepts any professor. Including one with no credentials and was dead a while ago.
• Clearly, people are happy without vampires in Mystic Falls. Heck they’re jogging.
• Stefan is too clean to be working in a garage. Just saying.
• Jeremy is getting through it in the best way; hooking up in the frat house.
• TYLER GOES TO SCHOOL?! REALLY DOES WHITMORE HAVE STANDARDS? “Welcome to Whitmore where we accept half-dead professors, students who won’t attend classes but become doctors aaaandddd some one who I really cannot remember whether they should be in this show or not.”
• Sheriff Forbes is fed up with her own daughter who has been through crazy shit. Yo, Mama Forbes, be happy that your daughter isn’t taking horse tranquilizers in a corner and actually wants to have a picnic.
• CAROLINE LEAVE MYSTIC FALLS ALONE. THEY JOG THERE AND MATT IS HAPPY.
• Okay….I don’t know whats going on. Is Damon dead or is she tripping out super bad?
• What college class deals with the ‘Occult’….I have never seen An Occult 101 class while I was in college.
• Liv + Tyler = Ultimate frat couple. Oh yeah. Liv also kind of looks like a clean Kesha. Anyone else seeing this.
• Casual Alaric talking to wall situation. Classic Alaric.
• Elena is a druggie. Oh yeah. DRUGGIE ELENA. Violent Druggie Elena oh haay!
• Shut up Stefan. You own a fucking mansion. You aren’t on the brink of poverty eating moist pizza. You can spare this bumfuck garage $200.
• Yo, the girls in this where the shortest of dresses. American Apparel is clearly managing their costume department.
•  FRAT-JEREMY CONTINUE BEING YOU. Also the justice code in this town is weird. I know Jeremy is took like a 28 year old but he’s technically underage. Where is Sheriff Forbes conducting teenage justice?
• Okay yeah she is tripping hard to see Damon. Though, imagine you’re on set with your ex-boyfriend and you guys are meant to be all lovey-dovey…well that’s awkward.
• UGH NO BONNIE. DON’T TALK ABOUT BONNIE. I FORGOT SHE EXISTED AND I WANT IT TO STAY LIKE THAT.
• Alaric attending beer pong, football events. ALARIC DON’T YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO BE INSTEAD OF BABYSITTING VIOLENTLY TRAUMATIC TEENAGERS?
• Stefan has a pretty sweet pad for a ‘mechanic.’
• Okay to be fair on Ivy if some guy told me he was a vampire I would laugh in his face.
• Alaric casually putting blood in the flask. Classic Alaric.
• “I teach Occult Studies.” “I didn’t know that was an actual thing.” YOU WEREN’T THE ONLY ONE RANDOM PROFESSOR.
• Elena hates New Yorkers. Clearly. We all do Elena. We all do.
• A good old Caroline therapy session turned bitter as Elena tears Caroline’s nice words of wisdom apart. I wish I had a Caroline in my life.
• A girl walking with blood coming down her neck, sweating and screaming help must be a common sighting in MF. As casual as watching a dog poop.
• STEFAN UPDATE YOUR IOS. JESUS. PRIORITIES.
• Woah, Stefan. That’s one brutal phone call. She was the love of your life, both spiritual and physical, and this show is set up to believe that these two will end up together. Remember all those sepia-toned flashbacks? Yeah, you convinced us show that this was going to be the end game. But Stefan has a point; this is going cold turkey. Mainly because Stefan has a hunk piece of meat to tap while Elena is literally trying to tap a ghost.
• Yo Matt coming clean to random New Yorker really puts it in perspective that he’s been through some shit. I feel like if he’d continued down that monologue he would have just burst into tears, called to the skies, crying out “WHY HAVE I NOT MOVED YET? WHY DO I STILL CARE ABOUT THESE DICKS?”
• Tyler and his casual anger management before Alaric steps in and whips his ass. Classic Alaric.
• “One call from my brother and you want to throw this all away.” Damon basically saying HEY REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE A LOVE TRIANGLE.
• Okay, not going to lie I’m kind of done with Elena’s gut-wrenching speeches. She’s been through emotional hell and it’s getting really awkward watching it over and over again. She’s shed enough tears to save the Californian drought. I want some actual action to go on. She needs some movement.
• Tyler is having a perpetual angst crisis. NO ONE CARES.
• Caroline casually leaving diary voice mails to Stefan. Honestly, if some one did this in real life, it would be fucking creepy and insane. Also it would be some long facebook message. Who leaves voice mails anymore?
• Stefan did the right thing to leave. I get it was a pretty douche move but escaping this weird gang of hormone sociopaths was probably the healthiest thing he could do. I would have done the same thing. And yup, time for the iphone 6 Stefan. Preach it.
•  UGH BONNIE GET THE EFF OUT. NO ONE CARES. HER PLOT LINE SHOULD HAVE DIED WITH THE HOT FLASH.
• I didn’t know the after-life was so like a 1990s homevideo. GREAT.

well that was entertaining!

Recap: Ye Modern times vs Ye Olde Times.

Well, I finally got around to watching the last episode of Outlander in the mid-season finale. I was probably just trying to deny it was the end and live in the hot, warm euphoric glow that was the Wedding episode, but alas, as a great bard of our times told us, Nelly Furtado, all good things must come to an end. And have they?!  But firstly, fuck mid-season finales. It’s not a real thing; it’s just a sadistic marketing technique to make us suffer like we were being waterboarded with anxiety and hope, with a tingling light at the end of the tunnel whispered to us that the end to near, all our sufferings will be valid. Ugh, damn you network television.

1. The episode begins in ye modern times, how unsexy are those, with Frank freaking out because his wife has disappeared for 6 weeks and he’s like ‘SHE CAN’T HAVE BEEN WITH ANOTHER MAN. SHE LOVES ME AND MY DIMPLES.’ Oh Frank. Little did you know that Claire was deep in Highland Scotland, so deep and moist that…okay, you get it. But, sweet loveable Frank, little did you know that your sweet docile wife is having one heck of a rough time rolling around with a fine, Scottish piece of meat.
2. Back in ye olde times, Claire and Scottish hot-face  Jamie are enjoying a nice picnic in the highlands. Granted, the scenery is stunning but no way in hell wouldn’t she be shivering and being like ‘bitch can we go back to our equally cold and damp castle to sit by a fire and hope that I get this coldness out of my marrow?’ and then Jamie would propose a better idea that would involve getting down and dirty right there and then and place their two perfect bodies together and kindle some warmth. But alas, that didn’t happen. There wasn’t enough sex in this episode.
3. Instead some tongueless guy turns up and grunts and does some weird hand gestures which Jamie can somehow understand because he took a 101 sign language class in Highlander college and blah blah Red coast Deserters-bloody English!-, Claire just looks comfortable and confused.
4. Jamie finds out that he might be able to go home (honestly, I have no idea where that is…I didn’t follow that storyline properly because I was too distracted with knit-wear and kilts) and bring his fair wee wife to show his…family? Does Jamie has a family? But Claire is like ‘oh shit but what would my boring husband Frank stuck in ye modern times he must miss me so much. I’m having too much fun in this knit-wear!! NO!’
5. Frank in ye modern times has an existential crisis, goes out drinking, thinks he’s going to bone some sexy Scottish blondie but she has other plans for him, tries to rob him and he beats the living shit out of her friends who are always trying to mug him. And this is probably the most action Frank has had ever. Poor Frank. Poor Frank. Not only does his have a sadistic streak which he can blame his shitty genetic make up for, BUT HE DIDN’T GET ANY. UGH. A lot of frustrated testosterone here.
6. Ye Olde Times, we have a raid which scares the living shit out of Claire because for some reason she’s just figured out now that she lives in a Hobbsian world where life is literally brutish and short. They give her a 101 class in knifing some one in the kidney (same college at where Jamie learnt how to interpret sign language) which turns Jamie on enough to drag his wee lass AND FINALLY WE MIGHT GET SOME ACTION FINALLY. But nooo, stupid English people have to ruin it all. Why do the English ruin everything?!
7. Something about English politics and blah blah Jamie can’t go to the Dark English Castle ie The Villain’s headquarters alone, so he brings his other Scottish friends and tells Claire ‘DO NOT FUCKING MOVE. YOU WILL DIE. NOT BECAUSE YOU STABBED AN IDIOT YOU CAN SURVIVE UP HERE. LOOK AT ME! I CAN BARELY AND I AM BASICALLY 110% MUSCLE. DO NOT FUCKING MOVE.’  But of course as Claire is a woman with a free mind and a will of her own, quite the modern woman she is, she says fuck it, goes and finds those stones and there is this ~deep scene where Frank on the other side is yelling her name and she is too but before she can get back to ye modern times, the English come and drag away. WHY DO THE ENGLISH RUIN EVERYTHING?
8. In the Dark English Castle, she meets up with awful past-Frank  who is like  ‘yo bitch i know your secret. TELL ME EVERYTHING’ and Claire fucks up (girl! Know your history!)    and then the Scottish knight in shining armor storms in and is like I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU I WILL COME FOR YOU AND WE WILL MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE AGAIN. And past-Frank laughs because he is awful.

WHY ISN’T IT APRIL ALREADY?

In the meantime, this will help you get through the next few months.

Recap: Y’all invited to Nucky’s pity-party. Bring some Longfellow.

Well, guys, I’m not going to sugarcoat this one. RIP Van Alden. RIP Chalky. Great characters, great men. This was once more an amazing episode. This season has had a lot of mixed feelings; the anti camp saying that this season is rushed and they’re just being lazy and killing everyone off, the pro camp being veraciously justifying the golden brilliance of Terry Winter and commending Steve Buscemi for prize winning performance. Honestly, I’m more on the latter side. Last season I felt a bit cheated at the beginning, but in typical Boardwalk fashion; a slow start and then bam, one of the saddest endings in tv history. Anyway, I hope y’all recovered from that but if not, here is Taylor Swift’s new song to get you through (which isn’t half bad)

1. RIP Van Alden. That was the end of the road for him. I really couldn’t see him going any further. He was a brilliant character though but amazing development; from the religious self-righteous Agent to the blundering, perma-scowling gangster (Be Honest-we all preferred him like that) Even though he left his first wife unsatisfied in some house in Indiana, he did manage to hook up with the foxy Lucy (I wonder what she’s up to? It would have been great to have had a side plot where she meant Billie. Lots of glitter and tap dancing) and some Norwegian lady who is probably very good at cooking but is incredibly vindictive and bitter in her cotton dressers. He couldn’t have gone out better; in a blitz hell-fire sermon and bam! Half his head blown up all over Al Capone. Sir, you have done well; you died like you lived your life, violent and Christ-loving. What will be missed is his physical comedy with Eli. Despite the short-lived act, these guys were quite the dynamic cop duo. In the honour of the brilliance of Michael Shannon, this needs to be posted. 
2. Some Nucky smooth talk: “This is where Hope comes and gets fucked in the ass.” “Well when is she coming?” Firstly, this is a great ad for what Atlantic City currently looks like; we’re far from the World’s playground, my friends. Ladies, this is quite the man here. Also Nucky, for Joel Harper (TOMMY DARMODY? WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) to come and find you, you must have been pretty close to the club. Couldn’t you have made it to the Ritz Carleton instead of the alley? C’mon Nucky! Where was Cuban Richard Harrow?!
3. The Gillian Thing. Okay. That flashback, everything clocked in. Nucky basically found Gillian, cleaned her up and served her  like a juicy little lamb to the Commodore to get ahead. So yes, Gillian had a right to be incredibly pissed as Nucky many seasons back because he literally used her, a sweet innocent girl, for his own selfish ambitions. Good going Nuck! “You Stupid fucking child, why would you trust me?” Bam! And he says that to ‘Joel Harper’ once more reinforcing that he’s Tommy Darmody. Also the fact that he kind of looks like Michael Pitt. The casting this season has been top-noth, even down to the small-headed Eli; clearly his jaw-bone started getting more prominent in his 20s.
4. RIP Chalky. Damn, have you ever wanted to hear a man speak? That voice. His character really became prominent in last season and honestly, what a character! He rose like a tragic Greek hero and when Richard Harrow accidentally shoots his daughter, you know it’s over, you know he’s done and it’s gone in a twitch of his facial expression, a movement of his muscle. That episode in the country house with Daughter, despite being very hard to understand, may have been the most socially accurate representation of black culture in the 1920s. He provided that breath of fresh air, that historical grounding that reminded us the social calamities of the early 20th century and how American society truly functioned; how, despite all of Chalky’s hard-work, corrupt white men will also come first. His death was honourable and beautiful and that’s what he deserved. Though, I’ll miss the electric tension every time Narcisse and Chalky were in a room. That was some phenomenal acting.
5. Damn, watching the parents give their daughter to the Commodore was disturbing. That’s some messed up shit.
6. Eli is a complete and utter wreck. It didn’t make sense to kill him because Al didn’t want to deal with Nucky’s wrath. Considering Eli is his only family, Al wouldn’t have gone down lightly. I presume now he’s going to go back to his son and be like I fathered you, killed for you and hey remember those days we played ball on the beach, YOU OWE ME SOME PLEASE I’M A WRECK DON’T TELL YOUR MOTHER.
7. Nucky literally got drunk off guilt; guilt for the death of Sally etc. He was his own pity party, where he spurts out some Longfellow and drinks some moonshine. Sounds like Freshers week.  He went to a seedy part of town (next to the Ritz-Carlton?) to feel like feel something. So, subconsciously, young Gillian and what he did to her, takes the ultimate form of guilt. That was his original sin, that was his first fuck up and when he is drunk, that is what comes up and that is what is probably going to end him.
8.  I really, really am curious to what is in Gillian’s letter. This season has done a lot to redeem her. She has become more than the motherfucker, with serious son-daddy-life issues. She will either be Nucky’s catharsis or his downfall.
9. Terrence Winter really has a nice collection of Michaels; Pitt, Shannon, Williams and Stuhlberg. Calling out ‘Michael’ around set would have been pretty confusing.
10. Micky Doyle is going to outlive them all and that will be the comedy of it. I mean, I’m kind of rooting for him at this point. He’s bad it this far without dying, hell, he can make it a bit further. Imagine; the last scene is him driving off in Nucky’s Rolls Royce in a Looney Tunes sort of way, yelling SO LONG SUCKERS.

Well then guys, 2 more episodes. CAN WE JUST GIVE THEM ALL AWARDS THOUGH?  In the preview, shit hits the fan. Nucky is in some war memorial much like Jimmy Darmody, looking like he’s going to get shot and Eli has come beginning to his nice, alabaster-skinned son. Willie, run away, men with beautiful skin do not live long on this show.

Recap: Tyra Bank, phD Human Genetics

WELL THEY’RE NOT. Okay so this episode was, like Matthew, a middle of the boat/stuck in the stream/the part in Huck Finn where he crashes on some island and ends up chilling there sort of episode. Nothing insane happened. Just some casual bickering and Denzel being a douche and some weird genetics bullshit. No, you are not half Asian (that doesn’t even mean anything anyway. I’m not sure if Tyra checked her geography lately but Asia is a big effing place) but WHO CARES ABOUT YOU TYRA IS 6% NATIVE AMERICAN AND HER GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANDFATHER GOT SHOT A COUPLE OF TIMES IN THE CIVIL WAR BUT HE CONTINUED FIGHTING EHMEHGARD SHE MUST BE A NATIVE AMERICAN HERO. Somewhere, the native american population is bowing their heads down in shame.

• Team Mirjana: Firstly, did anyone see her massive hickey? JESUS GIRL. NO SHAME. I love Lennox for breaking up her and Denzel, but seriously, for a competition that values so much the whole ‘you have to want to be there to deserve it’ this girl, under that principle, should be kicked to the curve. She is using this show to basically get some and feed her ridiculously fractured ego. Not only is she straight out lying to her poor, oblivious boyfriend, but she isn’t taking good pictures. She’s a mediocre model, who is only being kept around because the producers need higher ratings and DRAMA YEAH AM I RIGHT?
• Team Denzel: Okay, apart from him being a misogynistic (do you really expect us to believe that you just called her a ‘whore’ by mistake? Some of us would call that  Freudian slip), homophobic piece of shit, he also takes really shitty pictures, doesn’t take direction and honestly, he’s only being kept around for the drama. While Shei and Raelia are taking the brunt of the awfully inconsistent judging scores (It’s like as if Tyra just learnt how to count), she is literally throwing points at Denzel because she probably wants to jump his bones and the producers are like ‘you can’t throw him out because if not our viewings which consistent of teenage girls and gay men will dramatically plunge into the abyss.’
• Team Shei: Despite her bipolar eyebrows, SHE IS AWESOME AND OH MY GOSH. YAY.
• Team Lennox: Honestly, if Lennox leaves so will half of the viewership. She can model and oh man she is a campaigner for social justice with that heart of a little puppy and the face of a biblical angel.
• Team Adam: Tyra has the biggest boner for him and I can’t believe he gets all the points over Shei and Raelia. Even though his has marginally improved, his pictures still look like fish after rigor mortis steps in. Also he’s pretty short and in previous seasons there would have been serious backlash for this.
• Team Keith: Okay, Keith has had  five confessionals throughout this entire season. Honestly, if he wins this competition it would be fantastically bittersweet hilarious.
• Team Will: I am sad to see Matthew go because the Will/Matt love was really adorable (even though it had been completely overshadowed by the Denzel/Mirhansjdnka suckfest), TEAM WILL LIVES STRONG, BOLD AND FABULOUS JUST LIKE HIS TIGHT ASS.
• Team Raelia: Her picture improved a lot from the frozen Titanic piece but…why wasn’t there any backlash in her wearing that native American headpiece? That is quite racially insensitive and honestly, this photo shoot was ridiculous; not only was it racially insensitive but it was also perpetuating stereotypes. Ugh. But Raelia was fine. I like her because she isn’t obnoxious but I don’t think she’s a crazy good model

Special shoutout to that whole DNA bullshit; loving how you can be Finnish, Spanish and then….European. Or you can be generally Asian, because you know there aren’t 47 countries in Asia. I also expected Tyra to tell Denzel that his great grandfather was gay because the DNA said so, so SUCK ON THAT, SCIENCE RULES. “Scientists believe that artificial intelligence and humans will become one.” Welp, nope. No one thinks that Tyra.

Linkathon: A tribute to the greatest show on earth.

1. Somewhere, in some art school, a cayote weeps.
2. Don’t lie to yourself and everyone on this lovely earth, you watch the OC and loved it. I still do religiously; every time I go home for the holidays, my baby sister and I marathon it like no other and each time we quote those lines and sing our hearts out to the soundtrack. You may not have loved all the characters, but you aassociated with the angst (remember Marissa’s pool chair throwing scene?) and we all loved Captain Oaks and secretly wished Seth Cohen was our boyfriend. They also introduced us the great bands of the early 2000s and after that all us pre-pubescent teenagers  listened to the Killers and Modest Mouse. Everyone watched the OC (only seasons 1-3 though, who gives a shit about Marissa’s angsty sister) and it was a defining moment of our generation, whether you like it or not. Anyway, I thought, getting nostalgia, I’ll do a quick OC catch up:
   1. We all know Seth Cohen married Blaire Waldorf AND ALL OUR DREAMS CAME TRUE AND UNICORNS EXIST AND PRAISE BEYONCE BECAUSE THAT HAPPENED AND TEARS OF JOY.
   2. Ryan is on a new show about Batman which I haven’t watched yet but I see his face on all the buses here and honestly, I cannot approve as he isn’t wearing a wife beater and stealing cars. Not cool, Ryan. Go back to your roots.
   3. Summer Roberts is pregnant with Anakin Skywalker’s son and looks glowing and beautiful as per usual. I mean, she always will be. When we are just flaking out with our wrinkles, she’ll still look like a golden Adonis.
   4. Marissa Cooper has let go of her absurdly thin frame and is enjoying the curvy side of life. Honestly, this girl was never going to win an Oscar. Her acting was excruciating and it was only okay because she lived in the microcosm world where looking like a thin skeleton with a slump structure and pretending you had a drug addiction, was okay. You leave that world, and really, it’s a hard reality check and will probably leave you to make silly decisions like endorse e-cigarettes. It’s nice to know that Marissa is human too.
   5. Oh yeah, and call out to Chris Pratt! Remember Che, Summer Roberts tree-hugging, weird-smelling, hacky-jack playing boyfriend at brown? OH I DO.
3. Okay Chris Pratt is the male version of Jennifer Lawrence. Apart from that amazing video with Seth Cohen, here are two other reasons: Uno and dos 
4. Okay this girl seriously needs help. Why aren’t her parents looking after her? Do they just not care anymore? #saveamanda
5. Sober Friday: Some horrifying stories that need to be.
   1. Foreign workers going to other countries as housemaids. Actually, not housemaids. Slaves.
   2. The NYtimes is focusing heavily of the highly dangerous routes people are taking to escape their country. Here are couple of stories that are worth reading:
      1. Cuban Exodus
      2. The Exodus to the Christmas Islands. The article throws some serious shade onto the Australian immigration politics.
6. MOTHER RUSSIA IS VERY FERTILE. LITERALLY.
7. Hitler wanted to replace Moscow with a lake. Great idea Hitler. And also ship all the Jews to Madagascar.
8. Stop complaining, people of 2014. Imagine waking up one day and seeing 40% of your city just dead because of the plague. We’re all good at the moment.
9. The best prop ever. Can we all work there please?
10. HELP MEEEEE. 

Recap: Nucky now enters I-don’t-give-a-fuck mode

So I finally got around to watching it and OH MY, SHIT IS HITTING THE FAN. And not like a casual splatter, no a full blown explosion of shit being torn up across the Eastern seaboard. Okay, I’ll stop with the graphics, but you get the point. The next three episodes, will be tense.

1. This show does a phenomenal job at finding young actors to play their older counterparts. Holy macaroni, young Nucky was INSANE. Despite the distracting dentures, his mannerism, how he clenched his jaw and ballooned his eyes at the right moment and looked incredibly cold and angry all the time, well that was perfect. And I thought there was only one Steve Buscemi in this world. Oh my. It still annoys me that Kid Nucky had brown eyes and no way an alabaster skinned sweet heart with chocolate hair would end up as disturbingly wrinkly at Steve Buscemi. But, hey, 20 year old Nucky has a high change of looking like Steve. He should start thinking about that now.
2. “I refused to be ruled by fear!” “Husband!” “Coming!” Oh Van Alden, how are the storms coming crashing down on you and slowly withering you away to leave you the soft shell of a man you used to be. Remember brutal season 1 Van Alden? He is like a beaten up hound at this point; obedient, scarred and occasionally enjoying leftover herring. Oh also, he told his daughter that his mother was a ballerina. Honestly, I cannot blame him. Learning that your mother was a sad, insecure woman who gave up her body to feel better about herself but hey, really enjoyed lemons, isn’t the most motivating thing.
3. “Chester that might sound better farther away!” #vanaldenparentingskills
4. Okay Mickey fucking Doyle. That guy is going to outlive everyone. That laugh. That giggle. Also did you really expect some one as sleezy would give Chalky up? Nah, instead he’s going to make a semi-funny joke about fish: “I know you can tune a piano, but can you tuna fish.” BOOM.
5. Capone is losing it but I’m enjoying it. Not only is it historically accurate-Capone by the beginning of the 1930s was suffering through intense syphilis which was making him kooky-but it’s pretty entertaining to watch the slow desperation come over the man. He knows something is wrong but he isn’t willing to admit it. Dat pride will be his downfall.
6. So I’m fully alright with Nucky switching into i-don’t-give-a-fuck mode and starting a bloody warpath in front of him. Nucky always needs to have some one accountable and he is going to do make that happen, whatever the costs may be. This is particularly emphasised by his facial expression when he found out Sally was dead; he no longer gives a shit. And giving no shits Nucky is the best Nucky. I’m looking forward to this blood path stretching from New York to Atlantic City.
7. WHAT ORGAN DID THEY TAKE OUT OF THAT WOMAN? OH MY GOSH. WAS THAT A THING? I usually hated Gillian because she destroyed the life of dearest pillow lipped Jimmy Darmody but GILLIAN YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT NOW BEFORE THEY START HARVESTING YOUR ORGANS. HOLY SHIT. I AM TERRIFIED FOR YOU WOMAN.
8. The Return of the Margaret Powerhouse. I will endorse that.
9. Eli…wow. Not only is he in line of having his 9th child (he is keeping the Thompson family healthy and strong, this guy! Also, I completely forgot that’s what the wife looked like) but holy, he messed up bad. Do not ever sleep with a resentful, bitter woman because she has nothing to lose and she will go out to get you. You will hang pick you balls like they were apples from a tree and serve them right to you in a nice little warm tart.
10. Yo, that helping kid, is definitely Tommy Darmody. Yes! I am looking forward to this one. That kid must be messed up; “Oh yeah so my mother hated my father because my father pissed off to fight in the war and came back and she was like yeah you’re a father now but he hated that and hated himself so he went off and became a gangster and tried to go after his dad who was the most powerful man of Atlantic city who raped my grandma and that fucked grandma up enough so when daddy was in his twenties they had sex and erm so….yeah, anyway, mother hated daddy towards the end, had a lesbian fling, died, daddy hated himself, went on some opium binge, came back, killed his daddy and then uncle Nucky killed him….I lived with grandma in a brothel for a bit and then with dad’s half-faced, murdering friend. Life is complicated.”
11. “A bit of a mooncalf to me”- Commodore. Just so you guys know what a Mooncalf is. Now that is one hell of a compliment.
12. OH SHIT CHALKY. OH SHIT. DAUGHTER HAS A DAUGHTER. IS IT YOURS?
13. Historically this is great. Nucky is feeling the push from the Italian-Jewish syndicate that is being reinforced after the Atlantic City Conference in 1929 which basically set the framework of organised crime. Historical spoiler: Luciano and Meyer win out as they become essentially the founders of the Italian mafia, especially once Capone is out of the picture which will be soon.
14. Well, that was one awkward family dinner.
15. Did you know the real Nucky Thompson (Johnson) had a real spouse called Mabel? Isn’t that adorable?

This season has been getting a lot of shit but honestly, I think it’s great. It’s really focused down on the key characters and I’m looking forward to the finale. Once that’s over, I’ll probably just go back and rewatch the whole entire show and deny that this ever ended. Also I love the first two seasons with Jimmy Darmody. Those were the good days.